The things I learned from not having cancer (Day 1 - being grateful for MY HEALTH)
This is the first article of my December 2020 Gratitude series that help me end this year on a more positive and inspiring note.
I am sitting on a hospital bed and tears are falling down my face uncontrollably. I am not sad. These are tears of gratitude and compassion.
In March 2019, I was told by my gynaecologist that I need to get a biopsy from my cervix. According to the results from my Pap Test (cytology), there was a chance I had cancer. The time has passed, and I can already tell you that this is a happy story. Not because I am healthy, but because I learned the importance of my friends and family, how to care for my health and rethink my values in life. Pure gratitude.
It turned out, I had a pre-cancerous stage CIN III. The cause was HPV virus that I have been carrying for god knows how long. After a lot of reading, I learned that around 80% of people have HPV at some point in their life. Most of the time, the body and the immune system fight the virus. But sometimes they don't, and you should know that. The more I spoke about it, the more I learned how many friends are dealing with it. I also learned that not many doctors urge you to take the test as it is not covered by insurance.
So please let me… wheatear you are a woman or a man, give yourself a Christmas gift and get tested. Stop skipping the visit to a gynaecologist or urologist. I know it is one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world. But wouldn't you rather trade 5 minutes of discomfort for a lifetime of not being able to have kids or having your uterus taken out? Worldwide, cervical cancer is the fourth most frequent cancer in women. In most countries, the tests are less than 50€, and it will be the best investment you did this year (unless you bought Tesla or Amazon stocks). The large declines in cervical cancer mortality in developed countries have been attributed to widespread screening.
Get on it! And do it at least every three years!
Now the things I learned.
From not having cancer.
But having to undergo a Cervical conization surgery to remove my cervix and its pre-cancerous cells.
How the perspective changes everything
I was horrified when I found out I needed the surgery. I have never been hospitalized in my life. I feared anaesthesia. But spending time at Oncology slaps the shit out of you. Only there, I realized my operation was nothing, and I should consider myself lucky. There were people around that underwent dozens of radiotherapies and chemos. Some positive, making jokes about that. Others not so much. That is when I saw what real suffering is. And how horrifying cancer is. Consequently, I want to urge as many people as I can to prevent it.
I used to cram my to-do lists and pride in being productive every single day. To my surprise, most of the things on those lists that seemed vital but really aren't is so much longer now. The world did not stop when I left others on their own. No matter how irreplaceable I thought, I was. I started to do less, better and enjoy things a whole lot more.
The importance of empathy and kindness
One of the nurses said: "There is no problem that is more important than the next persons. Anything you are going through could be the hardest thing you ever dealt with." It is true. Never underestimate your pain or the pain the next person is experiencing. You never know what people are going through. Accordingly, the whole hospital was a personification of kindness. Such a concentration of collective pain. Even the small talk with complete strangers was kind.
"I see you are going to the 3rd floor, they saved my mom's life there. They are the best there."
"It is okay to experience any kind of emotions here."
"Don't worry sweetheart, you are young, you will look at it as a valuable lesson soon enough."
Vulnerability is not a weakness
Being able to share my vulnerability and see how many of my closest people were there for me gave me so much strength. The night before my minor surgery, I got dozens of messages. When I woke up from anesthesia, I instantly started crying. I was so thrilled it was behind me, and the first thing I wanted to do was to let all of my people know. The nurse was looking at me like I was crazy when I was reaching for my phone, half asleep. But I just had to let them know how much their support meant to me. First, I was so ashamed of it. HPV is, after all, a sexually transmitted disease. But I got over myself and shared the story with many, to try to inspire women to visit a gynaecologist.
To love my body and mind unconditionally
According to western medicine, nothing can be done to get rid of the disease. I was told to wait and see if the body will deal with the virus. Instead, I turned to alternative methods. Not necessarily because I believed in them, but because I needed to feel I was doing something. I asked my doctor to wait with the surgery to buy some time for experimenting.
I started going to acupuncture, tried prolonged fasting, Wim-Hof breathing exercises, drinking special teas, herbs and mushroom extracts. I focused on understand myself better - tuning inward, meditating, doing yoga. Most importantly cut toxicity out of my life and stopped repressing emotions… All the things I wish I had been doing for years.
As I mentioned, I was not able to cure the cells, the stage was already too evolved. However, I calmed down my allergies, fixed my digestion problems and back pains. No dandruff, no mucus, no menstrual pain. Again. NO MENSTRUAL PAIN. After 13 years. I am not taking any painkillers. Sorry if that is too much information, but I know most women will relate…
I wish I didn’t need a cancer scare to finally do these things, but better late than never.
Gratitude
The most important thing and the very reason why I am now writing this. Plenty of people experienced depression during this eye-opening year. The thing that kept me going was gratitude. Yes, I was worried, I did not have a stable income and neither did most of my closest people. But neither did I have cancer. I was grateful for having a roof over my head, access to freshwater, ability to read and so many other trivial things. That is why I am ending this year by sharing what I am grateful for. One thing each day. Here or at my Instagram.
As a reminder for myself.
As an inspiration for those who are struggling to see the beauty in trivial things.
To add more kindness and positivity to this challenging year.
But also as a writing exercise and way to share some of my favourite photos.
I decided to make these blogs will be very quick so there is no time to overthink and never publish. As I really wanted to share this story, I set my first deadline to 1. December. I am happy you are reading this and today, I am also grateful for your time.
Now please pick up your phone and make an appointment. Open this topic with your friends and urge them to do the same. There are not many cancers that can be prevented. But for HPV, we have vaccines and tests. Just make your visits to a gynaecologist and urologist more frequent. Don't wait until something is wrong, let me be your wake up call!
More information about vaccines, tests and HPV:
And what are you grateful for today?
